She's No Moose
Eddie, Wishbone, Milo and - Marnie? True Confessions from the Owner of a Sweet but Slow-Learning Jack Russell terrier

By Debbie Feit

Moose, otherwise known as Eddie on the weekly NBC show "Frasier," can yawn on command. Wishbone, star of the PBS show of the same name, introduces kids to the pleasures of reading by enacting scenes from literary classics.

And as Milo in the 1994 comedy The Mask, Max was able to catch a Frisbee, find keys under a pillow and help his co-star Jim Carrey escape from a prison cell. Pretty impressive for a bunch of Jack Russell terriers.

So why can't mine find her way out from under a blanket?

For a dog of a breed that's supposed to be pretty smart, Marnie has me wondering if perhaps she's not a purebred. Since my husband and I made her a part of our family over two years ago, Marnie has cowered in fear at squeaky toys, barked at a bag of garbage and shown such timidity towards her doggie door that it took her three weeks to learn how to go outside. And another two to learn how to come back in.

I wonder how this could be the same dog that countless companies are using to sell their products and services. In 1996, Jack Russells were featured in television commercials for Home Quarters, AT&T, Red Dog Beer, Miller Genuine Draft, Friskies Mighty Dog, Pop Secret Popcorn, Sprint, Ameritech and Little Caesar's Pizza.

Nissan joined the list with their inclusion of what Adweek writer Barbara Lippert calls "that ad-perfect Jack Russell terrier."

The entertainment industry has fallen in love with the Jack Russell. But why this particular breed? According to Mathilde DeCagny, animal trainer and owner of Kelsey Grammer's co-star, Moose, "The size is perfect, the personality is humongous. And it's a fairly new breed. Every few years you have a new face."

OK, so they're cute and they fit comfortably on your lap. They're also stubborn, easily excitable and constantly in need of attention. DeCagny is quick to warn that potential Jack Russell owners "have no idea what they're getting into." And breeder Suzanne Tolleson is afraid that the heavy exposure of the breed in the media has caused people to have high expectations. "People think they're easy," she says. "They're not an easy breed."

Even with a huge backyard to run around in, all the treats she can eat and free reign of the house, Marnie constantly bolts for the front door and chews on her leash in an attempt to break free. Given the chance, she would take off after motorcycles, trucks and school buses. For a supposedly smart dog, Marnie fails to understand that her leash is the only thing standing between her and the pet cemetery.

"They have no respect for anything larger than themselves," says Tolleson, who has been breeding Jack Russell Terriers since 1979. "More Jack Russells are killed by cars than any other cause of death. It's not that they're car chasers--they're after the squirrels--they just don't care if a car is in their way. They're fearless."

While it's true that my little pooch can't be intimidated by Mack trucks or 70-pound black Labs, there is something that sends her running away in fear. Squeaky toys.

Plastic hamburgers. Fleece people. Rubber cheese. Our dog is afraid of any toy that makes noise. I learned of this neurosis the day I came home with a small, blue ball with a bell inside. I gently rolled it towards Marnie and she fearfully hustled out of the room. We spent the next few days encouraging her to play with the ball. But when Dave and I weren't rolling it back and forth to each other, it lay untouched.

Finally, I gave the ball to a friend. Her dog wasn't a wimp.

Not long after, I learned that Marnie was also afraid of thunderstorms. I made that discovery one morning when she woke me at 6:45 a.m. to let me know she had to go to the bathroom. Now as someone with a bladder the size of a sunflower seed, I had tremendous empathy.

I also had the tremendous urge to roll over and go back to sleep. But when nature calls Marnie, unfortunately, I have to answer the phone. So I got up and walked her downstairs. And as I opened the back door I learned two things: one, it was raining fiercely, and two, Marnie had no intention of going outside.

At 6:45 a.m. it was the last place she wanted to be. The rain was pouring, The wind was howling. And Marnie was whimpering up a storm. Now I'll admit, if there was a monsoon in my bathroom, I wouldn't be very happy either. But she had to go. So we went. And she went, if you know what I mean.

I don't begrudge Marnie her fear of thunderstorms, as I've since learned that it's a common fear among dogs. But ceramic pigs? Dog statues? Orange Halloween garbage bags? We've encountered all these things on our walks and Marnie has responded by either barking or whimpering. I was convinced she was the only terrier in town to be intimidated by such neighborhood fixtures, until I spoke with Dr. Patricia O'Handley, D.V.M. and Associate Professor of Small Animal Clinical Sciences at Michigan State University. "Shapes are very important to dogs because their eyesight is not nearly as acute as ours," O'Handley said. "They see outlines. To you and me it's a statue, but to a dog, the outline of it may indicate a dog that is defending its property."

Maybe I shouldn't complain too much. Dave and I were fortunate enough to get Marnie when she was a year old, so she was completely housebroken. And unlike our friends' dogs, Marnie didn't get into the garbage, eat videocassettes or chew on shoes. In fact, in the two years and two months since she's been with us, she's committed only one act of destruction.

I was at the computer and Marnie was sitting by my feet. I had given her a plastic bone just a few minutes before, so when I started to hear chewing noises I figured I had finally found a toy that didn't scare her. When I finally looked down at Marnie, she was happily chewing--on one of the computer cords. I didn't know what shocked me more--that she could have been seriously hurt, that she had damaged something for the first time or that she chose to do so while lying at my feet.

Such chutzpah is common among Jack Russells. Breeder Tolleson recounts the time she found her Jack Russell, Layton, asleep on her kitchen table. "We had words about that," she said. "He doesn't see himself as anything but a card-carrying member of the family."

Jack Russells are a presumptuous breed. These days, I can't sit down in front of the computer without Marnie begging for me to play with her. She tries crying, whining and barking to get my attention. All of these are effective methods because I inevitably get up and give her a treat, play fetch or run around the yard with her. Anything to make her happy for a few minutes so she'll leave me to my work. Coating a rawhide shoe with peanut butter usually buys me thirty uninterrupted minutes.

Getting my work done might not be so difficult had I done a better job of training Marnie. I didn't need for her to fetch the remote or do long division. I just wanted her to come when I called. So Dave, Marnie and I spent two hours every Tuesday night for seven weeks at Trainer's Academy.

Dave and I both wanted to be the handler, but I won - and soon regretted it. Every Tuesday night I left Trainers Academy in tears. For this I gave up NYPD Blue?

Yes, tears, because while Marnie may be cute, lovable and fun, she is also desperately in need of mild sedation. Put her in a room with twenty other dogs and she can't sit still. Or lie down. Or heel. If it weren't for Tom, a very patient and encouraging trainer, I would have given up a long time ago. He, too, owned a Jack Russell and watching his sit, lie down and come when Tom called gave me hope.

Granted, I didn't practice with Marnie as much as I should have. But she wasn't nearly as cooperative as the trainers led me to believe she would be. And after weeks of trying to train her, I came to this conclusion: the folks at Trainers Academy were delusional. I did my best. But to date, Marnie's best trick is knowing not to pee in the house. "A Jack Russell can be extremely stubborn," Tolleson said. "You know the difference between a Jack Russell and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist."